guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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