So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's the barista slut.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
