after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
