I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
