Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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