is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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