It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
