I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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