Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
