she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
