dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
