my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk