Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
