Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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