she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.