Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.