My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in