then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.