Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
only you would photoshop your dick
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
