just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.