how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
