Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
