I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize