I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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