so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I could fuck to npr.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
