this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
