Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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