my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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