She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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