The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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