So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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