how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never joke about your clitoris.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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