my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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