Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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