I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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