You're my little dorito
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
