I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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