Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
