I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
