so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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