how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
