she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
