i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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