What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
