And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
