The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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