Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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