Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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