Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
