i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
