at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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