: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
