only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
