whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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