It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
