I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
