what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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