My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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