how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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