ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
