Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
