i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
