Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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