If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
