butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
