new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
