You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
