Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
