dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
