Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
