My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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