while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
