ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
