Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
