I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we're making bets on your personal life
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
