Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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