so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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