so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
