I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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